| Things I Will Have Accomplished a Month from Today (aka June 21) |
[21 May 2007|10:10pm] |
*Lose the belly/leg weight I've gained
*Read 3 plays and 2 of the theatre books I brought up with me
*Check 3 things off my list of Things To Do This Summer
*Tan
*Do something good at New York Theatre Workshop
*Chill out
at the risk of sounding super emo
why do I never cut myself a break? It's like i constantly have to prove my self-worth with each new thing I do, and I never just trust myself to be myself. I guess it's good because I'd rather be hard on myself than get too comfortable and have it bite me in the ass...... but oi, it's exhausting.
i know, i know. cue the sarcastic "WAH."
|
|
| i think i'm going crazy. |
[16 Apr 2007|04:30am] |
I decided I needed a kick in my figurative balls. And God Bless the world, but I think I need to be the one to kick because I find that a lot of people don't like to kick me in the balls, even when I really need it. so. here:
Dear Christy,
What's going on here, kiddo!? A few days of moodiness happens to everyone. Some of it can be chalked up to being in tech/performances. A little bit can possibly be attributed to it being that time of the month, although you really hate using that as an excuse and rarely ever do, so why start now?
But anyway. The show ended today, it's struck. Your period's even ending. But the moodiness did not get the message, and it appears to be continuing and rearing its ugly head to the extent that it's prompting you to go on a sudden LIVEJOURNAL KICK? SERIOUSLY? Are we still in high school? You know that now "LJ" can only be used for the occasional funny anecdote or a random survey (curious as to what the last hockey game I watched was!? scroll down!). You know the days of bemoaning your current "life misfortunes" to an unresponsive online journal are long behind you.
Yet here you are. 4:42 Monday morning. Your half-finished Cat on a Hot Tin Roof reaction paper buried amidst ten billion other documents, web sites, and IMs (it only has to be 500 words, ps, you could have done it in 20 minutes and gone to bed hours ago), and the most prominent of these items being **DRUM ROLL PLEASE** Livejournal.
So what's the problem? ooh you're "busy"? Too many opportunities? Too many people want you to work for them? WAH. Um, hi, you're trying to embark on a life of theatre. Do you realize how lucky you are, and how important it is not to screw any of this up? If you don't work your ass off, you will a) starve a creative death due to a bad reputation never getting you work b) litertally starve to death because lack of job = lack of $$ c) live in the subway. So why don't you enjoy all the things you have, and try to actually do them well. Bright idea. Because right now, you're batting 100 and screwing them ALL up so much that none of these people will ever be asking you to do anything again. Nice work.
I'm going to pause while you skip the Paula Abdul song you have hidden on your Ipod.
ok. Next problem. Oooh, you've been letting down your friends by not seeing them as much as you want to? Well, ok honeybear, there's one way to fix that: stop letting them down and SEE THEM. oooh poor you, people want to hang out. SO DO IT BEFORE THEY FORGET ABOUT YOU.
(i love that hoobastank is my version of "angry white girl" music, while to most it's probably like "soft rock." i actually do have Manson on here. When I go to "artists," he's right below Mandy Moore. I kid you not.)
It would not be a real "LJ Post!" if we did not mention boys. So. You have decided of late that you question the plausibility of monogamy, and therefore have no interest at all in any relationships and only want to have "responsible fun." So you have, wish granted, everything's cool with boys, right?
oh wait, IT'S NOT? WE'RE STILL NOT HAPPY?
Jesus.
ok. so. You highly doubt monogamy exists. However, you feel weird and not right just doing whatever comes up (..ok, that sentence sounds so wrong, and I don't mean it the way it's implied on any of those one billion levels). You feel lonely and empty and all that BS. So. To recap: You don't want the 24 Hour A Day I'm Stuck On You I Depend On You Committment. But you don't want Guy Hopping. And you don't want to be alone. You want one boy, but you want it to be like pretty casual and not too emotionally invested, but not like TOTALLY devoid of emotions, like you want to have each other's best interests at heart and like each other, but under no circumstances do you want to be "in love," but you don't want to share him with other girls and you want it to be a sort of thing.
ok, Marie Antoinette, after you have your cake and eat it too, WAKE UP. Let's break this down: you can't have whatever messed up thing you're looking for because it's, well, messed up. Reality check: You're missing the "relationship-friendly" bone. You're not going to get a relationship, so don't even consider that a possibility. Guy Hopping? Over it.
So... let's return to the love of theatre, which is right there for you, and which you are screwing up (but not in the good way). So, let's go "full circle" and say, STOP SCREWING UP YOUR JOBS.
Love,
Yourself
P.S. Do you realize that you just went from listening to Weezer to hoobastank to Manson to Jars of Clay to Hannah Montana? you are so weird.
|
|
| a guy like you should wear a warning |
[10 Apr 2007|03:27am] |
Is it bad that I miss Old School Britney?
NOT AS BAD AS DOING A SURVEY AT 4 AM!:
1. In three words, explain what ended your last relationship.
i woke up
2. The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
new york theatre workshop or Lincoln center. …oh man, I’m the lamest girl ever ;)
3. What was your favorite game as a kid?
out of class? Probably like kickball or basketball. In class, it was and still is MASH. classic.
4. Do you miss anyone?
eh. Lets say no.
5. Are you any good at math?
let’s put it this way: good enough to take AP Calc in hs. BUT. I got a 1 on the test. hahaha
6. Your prom night?
honestly? Didn’t go.
7. Who will be your next kiss?
haha at this rate, I wouldn’t be placing bets
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
no
9. Last time you went out of state?
new york... over “spring break,” which apparently, loosely translated, means, “snow and ice.”
10. Are you a gullible person?
i can’t be… someone said they took that word out of the dictionary
11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
well, counting today as when I woke up… apple juice and water. I’m crazy!
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
yeah, but I am SO BAD at them. they take me 5 minutes and I say like one thing of importance, and then I go, “ok, so to recap—” and get cut off.
13.Who was your first boy/girlfriend?
real and legit? Zack.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
no, do people do that? How did I miss that?
15. Is there anything seriously bothering you??
eeeeh yeah. Whether or not it’s serious or legit, who knows. Well ok, yeah it is. Wait, have I not been cryptic enough!? Shit.
16. What is out your back door?
my lawn gnome, David (no joke, I named him that)
17. Use three words to describe yourself?
quirky. passionate. I don’t know, people tend to use my name as an adjective, like ‘that’s so Christy,’ and I’m not sure what it means, but you know.
18. Do you like the ocean?
DEAR GOD YES.
19. Do you play Sudoku?
more like it plays me. you always think you got it and then there's one damn number in the way!
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
yes, we had one at my hs. It was so rebel without a cause.
21. Do you like or love anyone in your top 8 on myspace?
…no I dislike them all, that’s how they ended up there. I thought it meant BOTTOM 8. hahaha oh man, how awkward would it be if myspace had that!?
22. Something you are excited about?
finding out about ny theatre workshop. Although the results may not excite me :-P
23. What is your favorite color of Jello?
after hot ‘n’ throbbing, I’m not sure if I can speak fondly of jello anymore…
24. If abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
you know, most people would probably say no. and I would probably say no. but my luck/life/circumstances I end up in tend to be so random and weird… that by some odd fluke totally unrelated to any “intelligence” or "strength" i possess, I probably would.
25. Do you like to ride horses?
like on the carousel!? … oh, what, I’m 21? Shit.
26. Where do you keep your change?
wallet, car, pockets, bottom of my purse… I’m one of THOSE people. I keep it everywhere, yet somehow I can never find it when I need it. i have this fear of using change when i check out, i don't know.
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
at intermission for Reckless I used to remind people to turn off phone. And I say a lot at players meetings. And in front of my kids’ parents on the last day of class … are any of these large!?
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
Wilbur! He’s my coat.
29. What is your favorite children's book?
the pokey little puppy! I miss that book so much, it had the little things you could press on the side to make noises
30. Can you do a split?
I wouldn’t attempt it. One time I got stuck doing yoga.
31. If you could fast forward your life would you?
yesssssssssssssss
32. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls?
I’d be the teacher who accidentally lifts her shirt up in front of the class.
33. If you could have any job what would it be?
director. Casting agent. Artistic director. Official Theatre Floor Sweeper.
34. Have you ever owned a fish tank?
well, sort of. I only ever had one pet, and it was a goldfish that died after 2 hours. So I had one for like 2 ½ hours, if that counts.
35. What's the last time you watched a hockey game
that’s the one sport I’m really not into. Well, ok, there’s probably more than one… but I mean, I can even watch golf. I can watch the nfl draft. But for some reason, I cant watch hockey?
|
|
| In case you forgot.... |
[14 Feb 2007|07:41pm] |
GMU Players present Reckless by Craig Lucas
Synopsis: It’s Christmas Eve, the day before Rachel Fitsimmons’ favorite holiday. Everything seems to be perfect, until Rachel’s husband Tom reveals that he is very sorry, but he hired a hit man who is breaking into the house now to kill Rachel. With nothing but the nightgown and slippers she is wearing, Rachel escapes through her bedroom window.
Later that night she meets a man, Lloyd, who offers her a ride. He takes her to his house which he shares with his paraplegic deaf and mute wife, Pooty. Realizing that they don’t know anything about her, Rachel makes up a new identity. She can live life spontaneously, randomly, recklessly- the way she never has before. But where will this new life take her?
This dark comedy by the writer of "Prelude to a Kiss" questions not only our relationships with each other, but also the relationship we have with ourselves. Because sometimes, all you have is yourself -whoever that is
Dates: Wed. Feb 14 - Sat. Feb 17 at 8; Sat Feb 17 and Sun Feb 18 at 2
in the Black Box, the first floor of the Performing Arts Building
A limited number of free student tickets are available, otherwise it's $3 for students/faculty. Get your tickets at the CVPA Box office, but get them EARLY because Black Box productions tend to sell out!
Ask me if you have any questions.
|
|
|
[28 Jan 2007|01:05am] |
This is my show I'm directing. You should see it! YOU! You should!
Reckless by Craig Lucas
Synopsis: It’s Christmas Eve, the day before Rachel Fitsimmons’ favorite holiday. Everything seems to be perfect, until Rachel’s husband Tom reveals that he is very sorry, but he hired a hit man who is breaking into the house now to kill Rachel. With nothing but the nightgown and slippers she is wearing, Rachel escapes through her bedroom window.
Later that night she meets a man, Lloyd, who offers her a ride. He takes her to his house which he shares with his paraplegic deaf and mute wife, Pooty. Realizing that they don’t know anything about her, Rachel makes up a new identity. She can live life spontaneously, randomly, recklessly- the way she never has before. But where will this new life take her?
This dark comedy by the writer of "Prelude to a Kiss" questions not only our relationships with each other, but also the relationship we have with ourselves. Because sometimes, all you have is yourself -whoever that is
Performances: Wed. Feb 14 at 8 (free preview); Thu Feb 15 - Sat Feb 17 at 8; Sat Feb 17 and Sun Feb 18 at 2
in the Black Box at GMU
it's funny! quirky! serious! crazy! fun! directed by me!
|
|
|
[15 Jan 2007|11:47pm] |
Hi, my name is Christy and I'm the only person in the world who does not own an Ipod.
but I'd like one! I'm not really demanding. all I want is something to put music on. I don't need to put on 10,000,000,000,000 songs. I don't need 5 tons of storage. The simplest, cheapest version is fine. but the problem is, with all this lingo that you kids use, I can't tell what anything means.
This is an "ipod shuffle" and it only costs $75. Is this what I want? Is it too good to be true? Should I be alarmed it only costs $75 instead of $250!?
http://www.circuitcity.com/ssm/Apple-1GB-iPod-shuffle-MA565LLA/sem/rpsm/oid/164738/catOid/-12952/rpem/ccd/productDetail.do
|
|
|
[26 Sep 2006|01:47am] |
Today I ordered 1,000 condoms for $50.
It's promotion for the show I'm SMing! It ties in artistically (not for shock value), so I'm making labels with the show info, putting them on the comdoms, and handing them out on campus.
....the things I do for my art, I swear.
|
|
| California rescue me |
[16 Aug 2006|12:04pm] |
fortunately, my overly dramatic outbursts have been non-existant since I've returned to VA. although. I've only been here since Monday evening, and am leaving again Fri for the beach. ha.
Seriously though, leaving NYC was like breaking up with a boyfriend. Except ... I know I'm going back. I'll visit a ton, and I know I'll be there in like a year, with a job, and I'll find stuff, and it will be ok. I may never get married since all the men are gay, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
So basically, it's a really mature separation. like, more mature than any I've actually had with a man :P
And I have sooo many career things to focus on... auditions are the second week of school for the show I'm SM-ing; getting publicity for our Theatre Dept; doing internal fixes on our Theatre Dept; directing my show in Feb; trying to get readings in Fairfax organized; finishing up so I can graduate in may. life is still happening.
And I decided that I may not move to new york RIGHT after I graduate. Like my plan has been: peace out in May, move the day after. (ha, well, you know). Now I'm thinking, maybe I'll save up $$ and go to Europe for like a month after graduating?
I guess we'll see what I'm in the mood for.
|
|
|
[10 Aug 2006|12:20am] |
ask me what I did for 3 blocks.
(what did you do for 3 blocks?)
FUCKING FOLLOWED JIMMY FALLON!
His friend checked me out!
tonight was amazing. more later, kids.
|
|
|
[24 Jul 2006|09:18am] |
I'm actually sad to leave Fairfax.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?
Yeah, I'm finally able to say that I kind of wish things with us had been different.
|
|
|
[23 Jul 2006|09:39am] |
So
The managing director at my theatre told me I am totally welcome to graduate in May, move to New York permanently, and work for him.
|
|
|
[22 Jul 2006|11:27am] |
In Fairfax until Monday! hit me up, kids!
PS
Here are pictures from my crappy disposable camera. I'm an unpaid intern, don't judge!
http://gmu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2027829&l=82bc6&id=15600586
............
I do really really miss New York and I think my good mood is only due to the fact that I'm returning. Normally I'd be getting ready to go down to the theatre soon for the 3:00 matinee. sigh :(
|
|
|
[09 Jul 2006|12:17pm] |
Last Night: In Drinks
*2 tall glasses of blue moon
*1 Tequilla sunrise
*1 strawberry daquiri
*1 double shot of I Don't Even Know What
*1 pina colada
*Some amount of Stella Artois. I can't remember how much.
My friend ended up with my phone, and that saved me from my usual drunk dialing and drunk texting.
Yet somehow, I drunk emailed.
hahahahahaha.
|
|
|
[04 Jul 2006|12:55am] |
PS
I'll be in VA July 21-24 (fri-mon), so start planning the parties, ok?
|
|
|
[03 Jul 2006|11:08pm] |
hellooooooo kids
so, my aunt and uncle took me to dinner and spoiled me and stuff last night, so I came back to visit with them until tomorrow am. free internet: the sequel!
about this "leaving new york in august" thing... i'm kinda thinking no. haha. my mom was up last weekend and I asked her if it would be ironic if i was able to graduate school a year early, but ended up living in nyc and never finishing. she was not amused. (just kidding, I'd never seriously do that ... or would I!?)
I guess it's just, I'm a city person. All the things that bug other people are endearing to me, at least for now. And I think if they were going to get old fast, they would have already. When my parents left, they told me not to waste any time here, and I really haven't. I usually spend hours just out in the city, doing things, seeing things, going places... it's amazing how much free stuff there is in such an expensive place.
I've seen 10 shows, gone to the Today show, watched Spiderman 3 film, gone to the Met, walked through Central Park, took the tour of the UN, went to MoMA (Museum of Modern Art) and the Museum of Natural History, shopped on Canal St and in SoHo, bought unique clothes and jewelry at street fairs, sunbathed in the Village, read along the Hudson, drank at bars that don't card, sunbathed on the roof of my building, visited the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island, gone to benefits, readings, and free concerts, talked to producers and agents, gossiped with people in "the industry," ate amazing food... I've met new people and I've gone out with them, but I've also been more than ok being alone. Annoying tourists ask me for directions and I can give them. When I feel like taking a walk or grabbing a late night snack with some friends, I'm in Times Square. I play games like Are You His Mommy? where I try to guess whether the woman pushing the stroller is the mother or the nanny.
and you know what the craziest part is? I don't feel anywhere NEAR done with this city. There are still SO many things I have left that I want to do! so many places to visit and things to see again at places I've already been... there's just oh so much, I know I definitely won't feel "done" in August.
And this isn't even considering my internship and all the things I've taken away from that. And how I can't wait to start my career and just keep building on this experience... I don't want to go down, I just want to keep going and see where I end up. Everyone talks about entertainment being so iffy job-wise, but I see so many opportunities and so many directions I could go.
I feel like so far, knock on wood, this has been exactly what I needed. I've lived on my own. I've been responsible for myself and my decisions and I've seen myself do this stuff all on my own. Maybe I'm full of shit and sentimental nostalgia, but I don't know... and screw it, I don't care.
|
|
|
[26 Jun 2006|11:47pm] |
so. my thrill of free internet was gone when we got back to my aunt's and she had lost power in her kitchen and computer room :P
for real kids, more later.
isn't it funny when you realize someone who was so special to you.... that they can't be special anymore? like you literally cannot allow yourself to have them be "special." they have to be just. another. guy.
|
|
|
[24 Jun 2006|11:39pm] |
So my mom is visiting this weekend and we're staying at my aunt's... we had a super fun, soaking wet day at the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island :P Dinner in the Village, cupcakes from the amazing Magnolia bakery...
and now here I am, at my aunt's, with free internet.
F
R
E
E
!
No awkward countdown making me nervous, no bringing my wallet to check my email, no codes. No rushing..
I
can
take
my
time
because
the
internet
is
free
I can respond to comments! (I promise I'm not avoiding people)
I can massively update on life!
I can use google for as long as I want!
....except I'm massively tired and need to take care of some things, so all that will happen tomorrow night :-P
|
|
|
[20 Jun 2006|07:40pm] |
This is quite possibly the Dumbest Post Ever.
but ok. I know it's normal that during that time of the month, you get a little more weight than usual. BUT. is it normal if you're period is super light, but you still get more weight?
I mean, this may sound dumb but I kinda freaked out when I looked in the mirror today because I feel like I've added a little. Maybe I'm psycho, but I don't know? It seems like the normal That Time of the Month Amount, but my time of the month is not normal! It's really light, which is usually what happens when I've lost weight. Since I've gotten up here, I have eaten a little more, but I've been huuuungry due to walking like 2 miles a day and pilates. So if I'm doing all that working out and gaining weight, I'll be pissed!
and yeah. I'm too cheap to write a long update about NYC, but i'll post about my weight. I'm vain. And proud. Well. not really. you know.
|
|
|
[18 Jun 2006|09:08pm] |
I never realized what a precios commodity free internet is. haha. seriously, I think that's been the biggest downfall... I have to pay $1 for every 10 min of internet use. And it has this countdown on the bottom that makes me really nervous... for example, now I only have 9 minutes and 10 seconds, or I have to put in another $1. and I'm trying to be economical and conserve money, for important things, like street fairs and shows.
ha.
the good thing is, free internet access at my internship.
Anyway, I have so much to say... I think it would cost me like $100. Maybe I'll do a hardcore update next weekend, because my mom's coming to visit so we're staying at my aunt's. I think it will be fuuuun, we're doing Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island, Central Park zoo, etc.
Internship = amazing. It may push me over the edge to graduate and move here after this school year.
It sounds scary, but it's totally something I would do.
More later, kids. I miss you all and hope summer is awesome! I'm coming for the weekend Jule 22ndish!
|
|
|
[14 Jun 2006|10:16pm] |
I'm aliiiiiiive!
knock on wood, I have not yet been killed by the guy who randomly stabbed like 5 people, or sketchy homeless men, or artist-divas.
in fact, knock on wood, everything is pretty f---ing amazing. more details later!
thanks to everyone who replied on the last one... it satisfied my curiosity :P
I'm glad you guys read. That makes me smile.
|
|
| just out of curiosity.... |
[01 Jun 2006|11:32pm] |
who reads this?
and if you're someone I haven't talked to in a while... don't worry, I'm probably stalking you too.
ps tonight =ed my very own first Off-Broadway Opening Night! ok. I had nothing to do with the show. but i'm listed in the program under 'interns.' so. yes.
also. i succumbed to self pressure and bought tickets for Jacquie and me to see Some Girls starring Eric McCormack (aka Will of Will & Grace), Fran Drescher, Maura Tierney of ER, and Judy Reyes of Scrubs. I heard from a woman in the biz (HA, I love that) that it's disappointing... BUT I heart the playwright (Neil Labute), and I've always wanted to see the director's work .... and maybe sort of kind of a very very little bit due to my infatuation with the leading man. plus, you can learn from not so great shows! Learning from mistakes is key!
|
|
|
[15 Apr 2006|04:41pm] |
I'm not sure what we think of these, but I thought.... what the hell.
If you comment:
1. I'll respond with something random I like about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll name something we should do together.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
my friend jon jon said this about me:
1.) The cheer that emanates from you constantly, and a few of our late night discussions after Vanya
2.) Love Hina - Sakura Saku
3.) We should write the music for Reckless, even if it doesn't get through
4.) Who's my favourite run crew?
5.) Um...you flounced into the lounge, a happy cheerful pink blaze.
6.) And she smiled while her mind devoured itself.
7.) I've always wondered what's going on in that head of yours.
|
|
|
[25 Mar 2006|02:30am] |
My school is in the Elite Eight .... IS YOURS?
(...please don't judge me, but I kinda missed the game because I was watching a play. but i sent really good karma, which clearly worked! And I got the free pizza the school got, and watched 10 minutes of pregame)
|
|
| If I had known the last time I kissed you that it was going to be the last time I was kissing you .. |
[29 Jan 2006|01:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
I totally just sneezed like 9 times in a row.
I know that sounds lame, but I'm sick so I was SO tired tonight that I fell asleep around 7:30 and got up around midnight. So really, sneezing has been the most interesting thing I've done all night :P
ok, yeah, seriously though. I don't know. there are SO many things on my mind right now, but for some reason I just can't talk about them. i thought i'd be able to ramble and rant here, because hello it's writing on the internet, and no one can make you shut up. which probably leads to a lot of issues, but whatever. the point is, I'm sitting here and I just can't say it. I can't say what I'm insecure about, and what I'm worried about, and what's upsetting me, and what I want to change or do.
....
So hey, here are things that make me feel good to talk about:
*Today I did a workshop for the Thespian state conference (=high schoolers), which we never went to in HS but is just like the one billion festivals we did go to. It was even at Falls Church, where NVTF was one year. LISA KOEDDING was in town, so she met me there and we reminisced about our days as HSers at theatre conferences.. sneaking out to the bleachers, calling 867-5309, sneaking out to get food/go to chuck e cheese, watching movies in unused classrooms ... mmm our department was amazing. It was weird to be leading a workshop when it was something we would have totally skipped 2 years ago :P
*I'm working really hard on getting an internship in New York this summer. We'll see if it actually works out, like in terms of getting one + having a place to live, but HOLY HELL. If I did, I promise I'd stop being bitter about the whole Not Being Able to Afford A College I Actually Wanted to Go To Extravaganza.
*Speeeaking of NYC, I went with my super bud michael last sunday! we saw Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (reuniting me with NORBIE! .. and that means nothing to anyone else :P) and Dog Sees God, which is about the Charlie Brown kids in high school (haha, really really dark comedy with all these actors from crappy stuff like Bring It On, American Pie, and the hot guy who died last season on Lost, etc. But they were pretty good in this). Anyway, I think New York is the love of my life. For real. New York and Theatre = my two great loves. I was a little depressed when we got back on Monday, but ...
*I'm going back March 31! Emmy Lou Who and I have already spent way too much on tickets, but they're for AWESOME limited-run, hard-to-get-tix for shows. So mmm. mmm.
*I think graduating a year early is looking more and more likely. I just ... have things to do. And i'm not the kind of person who will wait around and put things off if I want them now.
*KC, we still haven't discussed Golden Globes and the Oscar noms are about to come out! We shall fix this soon.
has anyone noticed that I probably talk about the same stuff on here? Theatre... NYC... movies... my ambitions. I don't know, I think I've stereotyped myself. I'm the bubbly one, the cheery one, the smiling one. So I don't know, maybe I feel like THAT's my persona, and if I try to write in an lj something depressing it just ... doesn't work. And if people aren't making me happy, then those things are. I don't know why I'm so ok with having so many surface-level friendships? it's so weird, i've been kinda upset the past few weeks, and out of all the people I know, it's been the same like 4 who I've gone to. and for everyone else, it's just being bubbly. cheery. smiling. but i don't even think it's an act, because I haven't consciously forced myself to do that. I can be so upset about something and want to just cry, but then I get in a group and ...
mmm I really need to stop this rambling :P
|
|
|
[30 Nov 2005|02:37pm] |
It's 2:40, and I haven't showered, worked out, or done anything productive.
All I have done is sleep and talk to people online and look at the "news."
By news, I mean IMDB, Broadway, People, and Trent.
Please try not to be jealous of my awesome work ethic.
mmmm it's just like summer... except not. It's so weird that I looove summer so much and hate winter with a passion. I'm not totally sure why, I think it's just that the cycles in my life have resulted in winter just being ... lonely. and cold, which is not a good combo. and summers are fulfilling and warm. but was this summer that awesome? I mean, I loved New York and the beach, and the show was a good time, but it wasn't IT. So does that mean I get a little better winter? I don't know. I have been such a slacker this semester. I don't know what happened to my hard-working alter ego? Maybe it's just that I'm finishing gen eds so i hate these classes. At least I had friends at mason this semester :P I'm still ready to peace out next year though, which is good because at least I know I don't want to leave early just to run away from it all.
But who knows, maybe I'm still running away from the possibilities? like from the possibilities that people hurt you and disappoint you. or maybe most of this is just ... ALL IN MY HEAD. sometimes I think I cause more problems for myself than other people cause for me. or maybe it's other people caused the problems that result in me causing them for myself. no, whatever, it's kind of bullshit to blame everyone else, isn't it?
hahaha um, ok, I think it's time for me to work out and get some endorphins :P
|
|
| Every little thing you do is tragic.... |
[17 Nov 2005|12:54am] |
SO I have a test in about 11 hours that I'm so not ready for.
You will note that I'm not studying.
haha i'm SUCH a loser. I have no problem reading plays, analyzing plays, organizing headshots, looking up internships, studying broadway.com... but real things that I get graded on? eh, not so much.
I haven't updated in a billion years... but clearly nothing has changed :P
MY LIFE SO FAR
*Uncle Vanya (the one i staged managed) ended, though at times I kinda doubted that it would. haha juuuust kidding! It was a good learning experience, i think... so that was super.
*I have this inability to sit still, so I've been working at Mike's, for TFA (the professional theatre at Mason), on other shows (I'm in tech week now for another one, holler), and .....
*GOING TO NEW YORK! HOLLA!
baaah I don't know why I returned, but you know, whatever. I visited Emily Levin, aka E. Lo, and we had funnnn and spent monnnnnney and I don't know why I'm big into nnnnnn's. What exactly did we do? haha, well, ok! I'll share!
FRIDAY
~We wandered around the city during the day. Just walking, going into NBC studios, Rockefeller, etc. God there were so many horns honking, hobos begging, cab drivers speeding, sky scrapers leering... it was gorgeous. Have I mentioned how I just love love seeing EVERYTHING? because there's seriously EVERYTHING to see. I can't even contemplate, much less put it into words.
~We saw this one-man show with Emily's class called Thom Pain. I'm not even kidding, Thomas Planert. I thought of you fondly. HAPPY BELATED BDAY. anyway. it's based in existentialism, so I understood nothing. It was so zen though, because at the beginning the stage was entirely dark, and so there we were, just sitting in this pitch black off-broadway theatre, with all the anticipation......
~Then we went to the top of Rockefeller Center, 70 freakin stories up. On top of NYC. It was orgasmic. So gorgeous. Sooooo-o gorgeous.
SATURDAY
~BACKSTAGE TOUR OF WICKED! ok, well not literally backstage, but they set up the lobby with original costumes, props, set models, lighting plots, everything. Then we went inside the theatre and they showed us even MORE of everything. (do we see a theme? NYC = EVERYTHING) It was led by two cast members... one of whom I saw as The Wizard. so awesome. holy hell.
~Lunch in Soho with Emily's friends. wandered around Greenwich/Soho. Then it was time to see .... SEE WHAT I WANNA SEE! Starring IDINA FREAKIN MENZEL (Maureen in Rent, Elphaba in Wicked)! From the third row of a tiny, intimate Black Box! And starring MARC KUDISH and NEWSIE BOY! (This hot guy from Newsies, I can't remember what his name was in the movie). The first act was really really strong, but I didn't think the second act was as much. Who am I kidding, I'll still be buying the soundtrack. Anyway, I love small theatres. It was all just so real without being forced. I hate forced. I hate stylized. I like natural.
~Then we stalked Newsie Boy, and unsuccessfully stalked Idina :( Had dinner in ... Greenwich? maybe? Then headed back to the Theatre District for...
~NAKED GIRL ON THE APPIAN WAY starring Richard Thomas (John Boy from the Waltons! I was raised on The Waltons!), Millie from The Bob Newhart Show (I swear, I'm 19 not 91.) and ... MATTHEW MORRISON. Yes, the same one I stalked during Light in the Piazza (haha Kristin=). I'm happy to report he's still gorgeous. He's not Italian hot here, but he's funny, proving that he does "everything." So the play itself isn't exactly going to win any Tonys, but we laughed and enjoyed it. The set was AMAZING. Maybe not everything has to be some profound, moving, life-altaring drama. Maybe it's ok to just ... be.
~Totally stalked Matt afterwards. There's no stage door, so we asked the big security men where to wait, haha. They laughed at us ;) Matt wasn't so "Who's waiting for me?" this time, Kristin ... but maybe because most of the people in the audience are, um, old and not necessarilly stage door stalkers.
~On the subject of stage door stalking, we then realized we were close to the theatre with Spamalot, so we went to that stage door too. I now have an awesome pic with David Hyde Pierce! well, pretty awesome. I mean, I look happy enough for the two of us, so it's all gravy :P
again.......... what the hell was I thinking. Leaving.
although, strangely, somehow, knock on wood.... being at Mason doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out anymore. I actually maybe like it. I don't know, occasionally I get into a mood where I'm just like, "Whatever, I'm not attached, I don't really belong here." But then someone will call me, or text me, or I'll see them, and then .... I don't know, it's just weird to think how natural it all feels now. I know, I just canonized naturalism, but it's just WEIRD. I never wanted to be here, I never anticipated it. As late as the, um, day before classes started this semester, I was trying to figure out where else I could go. and now suddenly I'm contemplating moving on campus? I spend all my time there? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
or I could just. chill. out.
haha. I've baaaaaaarely talked to any of you high school buds since classes started. This is sad. Do people still remember me? want to hang out over break? anyone? bueller?
|
|
| But no one's leaving, they're just sitting there moooooooing! |
[25 Oct 2005|06:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
I went home to "do work"
and i HAVE done work!
... just nothing pertaining to classes.
I know. I have an exam in every class within the next week and two days. I have one more weekend of the show. Children are starving in Somalia. Hurricanes are ravaging random islands. And I'm focusing on a show that doesn't even audition for over a month. Please, try not to be jealous of my work ethic.
I've been in such a random mood lately. I just want to flippin BREAK FREE. What I'm "breaking free" of, I have no idea, because it's not exactly like I live a chained, enslaved life. I don't know, I just want adventure. I want to randomly go to DC for a day, or randomly go anywhere for a day. Some place I'm not supposed to be. Some place I wouldn't usually be.
PLACES TO GO BEFORE I DIE
(For someone so pink, I can be morbid.)
(Also, I'm trying to be semi-realistic, so there's no "Paris" or "Adam Pascal's bed")
*Bunnyman's bridge (maaaybe)
*A boat on the Potomac
*Georgetown (it's been a whiiile)
*Museums/memorials I've never been to, or haven't for a while
*Wooly Mammoth, Shakespeare, or any other theatre i've never been to
|
|
|
[18 Oct 2005|02:23am] |
I think that everything that could have gotten screwed up today, did.
ok, I'm being melodramatic.
But there is something so Zen and comforing about being in a theatre. I stayed until a little after 1 am, and there was barely anyone when I left and it was just so NICE. It just felt so right. And all the things that had happened didn't bother me until I left.
But obviously, I'm not in a theatre now.
so....
|
|
| PACEY, where are you? Come save her.... |
[05 Oct 2005|11:53pm] |
while I was up at Mason tonight, my parents called me with the news
that Katie Holmes is pregnant.
I cannot express my distress at this situation enough.
|
|
| If we don't wake up and shake up the nation, we'll eat the dust of the world... wondering why.... |
[05 Oct 2005|03:46pm] |
^ is a quote from Tick, Tick...BOOM. Jonathon Larsen (Rent)'s first musical, which I don't think overall is as good as Rent, but the songs I do like, mmmm
I = super tired. and unproductive. I spent last night talking to some Dustin Hoffman-esque, elk phantom fan eerily reminiscent of Rocco's Modern Life. but I don't mind, if he doesn't mind.
NEWS OF MY LIFE
1. I quit Artie's! kind of. I told them I'd pick up shifts they needed me to. and I'll be picking up at Mike's until January. so really, I didn't totally quit, but it's something.
2. I'm going to New York the first weekend in November, and seeing IDINA MENZEL!
3. I've been an insane theatre nerd. I know this shocks no one. I just really really want to go through and attain everything I want to attain. I want all of my goals (short term AND long term) to happen, and... yeah.
Speaking of theatre, I am about to transcend the boundaries of nerdiness in a way that only I could:
I had this whole theory last night comparing my relationships with Theatre and with Men. I knooow, it's so weird, I'm such a nerd, but seriously. This is going to sound insane, being that "Theatre" is not actually a person, but my feelings about it are just as intense. When you get rejected, it hurts just as much.
anyway. I'm so so open to theatre. I'm seriously, literally a whore for shows: I'll do anything at any time for any show, even multiple shows at one time, and I always want to try new positions. I have no problems discussing this, or opening myself up to be hurt, or whatever. Yet with men, I'm so much more paranoid, guarded, and scared. I don't know, I just think it's interesting. Two different extremes, yet such similar feelings. but both are just as worth it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Kelleher: You look cute!
Me: Thank you!
Kelleher: CuzUsuallyYouLookLikeCrap.
*pause*
Me: whaaaaat?
Kelleher: Nothing!
|
|
| Jesus Christy Super..... |
[28 Sep 2005|03:50am] |
this is so weird, because I started this at 1: something. Then I completely fell asleep on the couch in my kitchen (yeah, there's a couch in my kitchen, and it's super comfortable, so take that punk!). Which I don't even remember sitting on. All of the sudden I just .... woke up.
I think this is how people get murdered.
I feel like I'm on this Posting In My Live Journal Kick, but it's not really my fault. it's more for some Pretty-Much-Off-Book guitar guy who's never seen Arrested Development and likes to spread rumors here that I have undying love for B. Cho and Tom :P not truuuuue, this phantom guy lies! ... and gives me the shirt off his back (literally), carries me to my car, and buys me food ;)
Poll:
Should I buy a DVD of Arrested Development or Scrubs?
Things I Miss
*My parents (we live in the same house? whaaat?)
*The vending machine in the PAB having food
*Going to a movie theatre, and all of the insane movie theatre annoyances like commercials before the movie.
(DID YOU ALL HEAR, my porn theatre was taken down :( )
*My Porn Theatre (I wonder what they did with that painting... you know, the one they had in the lobby. Which we also have a copy of in my dining room)
*Milk shakes from Silver Diner. It has been oh so long. I need to goooo
*Directing
*Sleep
*Pez despensers
*Hollering back
mmmkay. wednesday = pay day. holla!
|
|
| one thing I forgot.... |
[26 Sep 2005|11:06pm] |
|
I forgot to reveal my undying love for b. cho, tom, and jaybird/jaylasia/j. lo/ j. crew.
|
|
| I'm too young, I oughta live it up.... |
[26 Sep 2005|10:25pm] |
SO much work to do. SO little time. SO not doing it.
That was kind of lame.
I started this list of Things That Boggle My Mind... here are some highlights (and by "highlights" I mean, what I can remember)
(and also let me say that this is insanely cliched and cheesy, and cynical people like Kyle and Hilburn will laugh at me, but whatever :P)
Things That Boggle My Mind: Part I
*How the human heart is so fragile ... but also so strong
*How the ocean looks so infinite and never ending, but it's not. And that hurricanes and storms ravage it all the time, with no one watching, and no one ever really knows.
*That Arrested Development almost didn't get a 3rd season
*Zach Braff
*That there are so many directors and actors who are so brilliant, and so many shows that are so amazing, that I don't even feel qualified to have an opinion on them.
*How much of the world I haven't seen, and how many people I've never met, and how many things I just don't know.
*That Washington-area sports teams always seem to lose, no matter how many stars they sign
*That the one year I missed the Redskins-Cowboys game ... the Redskins won
*That after we die, Heaven and Hell just go on ....... forever
While I'm making lists
Goals for the Rest of 2005 (why did I want to say 2006?)
*Make the publicity for Mason shows a billion times better
*Figure out when I'm gonna graduate, what shows I want to work on next semester, and start planning my Summer In New York Fantasy
*Make another $1,000
*Start caring about my classes this semester....haha
*Let go of some of my defense mechanisms.
Random Stories
haha, I was at work yesterday, and this couple was leaving with their young son... he was maybe 4? The son started walking towards the bar instead of the exit, and...
The Dad: No, that's the wrong way. We're not going to the bar. You have plenty of time for that.
Some guy walked into the glass by the revolving door, and now it looks like someone fired a shot through the door.
My Dad (handing me the People magazine with the demise of Renee and Kenny's marriage on the cover): If you read it before I do, don't tell me what happened!
heeeeeeeey, high school buds, when do you guys have fall break? who's coming home when? I feel like I haven't seen/talked to any of you in years :(
and by "years," I mean "weeks."
|
|
| mmmm so totally emo and so much rambling on about myself. |
[20 Sep 2005|08:51am] |
I was in a totally unhappy mood yesterday, and kind of still am today. But the thing that bothers me the most is, I don't even know WHY I was so unhappy. I chalked it up to stress, but I don't know "stress" sounds like such a cop-out, made up answer. yeah, i'm busy, but I don't get stressed. I don't FEEL stressed. I feel ... sad? lonely? empty?
but now the other part is, WHY sad/lonely/empty? Life is full. There are many people. I have more ways to occupy my time doing things I really like than I know what to do with. there are SO many awful things in the world, and ::knock on wood:: nothing awful is happening to me. So... I don't know... it just seems like I have no reason or right to be so...
not to sound all "what is my purpose?" cliched, but really, what else am I looking for? what will make me "happy" and "fulfilled?"
1. Living in New York, starting my career.
haha, before I went to bed, I had this thought. I always say how "going away to college would not have made my life better." But what if "going to NYC will not make my life better"? I'll still be me, with my same quirks and insecurities and issues. I don't know. I *want* to be in NYC, but why? To do theatre? I'm doing that here. To be in a city? What if the allure wears off? I always thought this was EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO BE HAPPY, but what if it's not? It just feels so weird to have this intense drive, but also feel like no matter what, nothing you do will be enough. and I like it, because I never want to be complacent, but can you ever be satisfied?
2. Not being tied down to anything
This is hopelessly unrealistic. I think I have this image of life after college being like, "Oh, I want to go off on this adventure, so I will."
Christy, seriously, that's ridiculous. And that's all that this one gets.
3. .....
This is all going to come out so wrong.
It pains me to admit that I want to stop the Random Hook-Up, and just have some guy who really, truly cares (and who I really, truly care about). It pains me even more to admit that I've probably *always* wanted this, and I've just talked myself into the RH. Unsuccessfully. I hope I don't sound like one of those "I want a boyfriend! Because I want one, OK? Just to have! OMG GET ME A BF, I WILL NOT BE HAPPY UNTIL I HAVE ONE," because that is now how I mean this.
so what do I mean... I want something real, with someone real, and I don't want to be paranoid that it's not real. Except...
*I need to actually find the Guy Who Isn't Just A Hook-Up. Contrary to anything I've said, I don't think this Guy exists. ok. I'm going to be painfully honest here. It really fucking hurts that I feel like that is not out there. I know, it seems dumb to say that. I feel like ... deformed? melodramatic? like a 12 year old? But how hard can you be kicked before you stop getting up? Maybe I've become so wrapped up in the insecurities and all, that I've given up expecting it, but still wanting it, which sounds even MORE melodramatic and ridiculous .... but doesn't change the fact at all that that's how I feel.
aaah. that rambling accomplish/solved nothing. I just keep thinking about that day at the beach, when I was so calm and could just enjoy the gorgeous ocean, sand, boardwalk, life... I was with my family, who I trust and know would never hurt me.. I could just think about all the things I wanted to do, and feel like I'd do them. I was just happy.
|
|
|
[04 Sep 2005|11:29pm] |
mmm another reason that a career in theatre is perfect for me:
I'm never happy with just one project... I always need The Next Big Thing.
Tomorrow is the reading I'm SMing at The Kennedy Center. Haha, I mean, I know it's part of a whole slew of readings, and it's through TFA, but I've been going to the KC and idolizing it since ... who knows when. I love love big performing arts places like the KC or Lincoln Center. So it boggles my mind to even consider being there and concurrently being paid.. to have contributed in some small amount to anything that is housed inside that aesthetically displeasing exterior and emotionally fulfilling interior. (i have no idea what the hell I just said)
Buuuuut, all of the sudden it dawned on me yesterday:
Why not spend next summer in New York?
I know, summer just ended, I'm jumping the gun. But, I have family in and near NYC and could try to work out staying with them while doing some kind of theatre job/ program/ internship in NYC. And this is all so so far away, and so many things will change, but I've already started looking stuff up and doing research and finding all the possibilities. I'd do anything theatre-related, really, and getting paid isn't even a concern. I guess I'll look into it for real in like jan/feb, because that's when most stuff starts happening.
I also woke up yesterday morning and decided I'll probably double minor in both Business and Economics. Because. Why not? I can do it and still graduate a semester early. It's early in the semester (haha, no joke, it's been a week) but I find myself with little to no hatred or dislike of Mason. It's such a sharp contrast to last year, when I was soo-o lonely at this time. But this time, so far, knock on wood, for at least this past week ... I haven't felt a shred of loneliness or being unfulfilled.
even without you.
|
|
| ! |
[01 Sep 2005|08:43am] |
Jessica Devoti, Meghan Kelleher, and Kelly Conniff:
Are you guys still reading the comics at school? Have you seen what those jerks are doing to Hillary!?
|
|
|
[29 Aug 2005|09:45pm] |
*Classes Mon-Thurs (usually 10ish-2:45, except wed i only have 1:30-2:45)
*Work at Artie's (this week: sunday, monday, thurs, fri)
*Work as an administrative assistant with TFA! (Theatre of the First Amendment, the professional theatre company housed at Mason!) They emailed me and offered me a part-time job, about 10ish hours a week, and I set my own hours
*Stage managing a reading at the Kennedy Center!!! It's part of a new plays festival... rehearsals this Wed, Sat, and performance on Mon
*Stage managing Uncle Vanya, a mainstage show... auditions on Tues
I am so petrified I will forget something, I can't hardly stand it. The next time I have time, I need to buy things to organize my life.
but I looooooooove being busy, I love feeling like life is full. I don't want to give up any of these... I'll probably have to take a break from hosting much in Oct, which is unfortunate because
the servers/bartenders at Artie's are some good looking men.
|
|
| I'll sleep when I'm dead. |
[25 Aug 2005|12:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
I forgot to share! For the next month, I'm not working so much at Mike's, but am working a little at one of our other restaurants, Artie's.
So that whole "I won't do classes, shows, and work at the same time" thing?
Screw it. I like my $12 an hour. My bank account likes it too, esp with this whole "I'm starting to think about working on being financially independent" kick I'm on ;)
I love that I'm still finding sand all over me.
I can't believe I forgot to share my Cheesiest Moment During My Ephiphany (below):
I took home the sea shell I was playing with as I epiphanied. So when I get sad, I can look at it and remember. How Lifetime Movie of me.
|
|
| The Beach, The Trip, and the Ephiphany. Long, but .... real. For once. |
[25 Aug 2005|12:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
oh man. the beach was so freakin amazing, I want to cry. I'm a total beach bum, and am one of those people who would stay there for weeks if I could, it's in my blood.
THE STORY OF THE BEACH
The Beach in question is Rehoboth... not exactly the most trendy, college-student friendly beach out there. Soo-o many families with a trillion kids. The straight, single men are few (I encountered 6... I believe these are the only 6 known) but being a theatre person, I have accepted that it is my fate to have attractive gay men constantly thrown in my path. So Rehoboth is like character-building for me.
Anyway, my grandmother first went there in the mid-60s and loved it.... and I'm exactly. like. my. grandmother. She had a beach house that we went to every year until we f-ing sold it when I was like 10.
(For those who have met them, the two giraffes in my room are from that house)
THE TRIP
Since we sold the house, my extended Denny family has rented two beach houses for two-ish weeks and everyone just comes up whenever. SO my sister, her boyfriend, and I went up this week. My family is a trip... imagine all of my quirkiest, strangest qualities combined with my penchant for awful puns, multiply that a few times over, and that will give you an idea. They all spoil me SO much, it's a good thing I do Being Spoiled well.
The beeeest part was my cousin Matt was there... he's in the army, and had been in various unpleasant locales the past few years, but is now in NYC (!another person to visit there!) until next Dec. He's one of those people who you know is human, so he must have some flaws, but I can't really tell you what they are. I guess everyone has that older family member they think is unconditionally awesome? His wife is Italian, so she and their 3-year-old son Alessio stayed in Italy while Matt was in Iraq, etc. Sooo Alessio speaks Italian AND English... with an Italian accent! aaaah! a 3 yr old with an Italian accent! this kid is TOO CUTE. He has the most adorable little smile and soo-o much energy. I wanted to take him home with me, but his mom wasn't too cool with that. I would start listing off all of the cute things this kid did, but who has that much cyberspace?
When they left on the ferry, Alessio waved goodbye to my aunt and me, blew us kisses, and yelled "arrivederci!"
Too. Freakin. Cute.
Anyway, it was all just so awesome. There is nothing like chillin at the beach, walking along the boardwalk, indulging in all the completely un-cool and un-hip traditions that one would never appreciate if introduced to them randomly, but only if they had been a staple of your childhood. Even while SHOPPING at the OUTLETS, I was just like, I can't wait to get back. And come on. If there is one thing I love, it is to shop.
THE EPIPHANY
We decided to leave around noon today, so I woke up early to sit on the beach. There was hardly anyone there, and the sun hit the ocean at the most insanely gorgeous angle imaginable. All I did was sit, read, listen to music, and look at the world.
So I thought a lot, about a lot of things, and made some decisions. Like, how I'm not fucking transferring. I know a lot of people really, really love that they've gone away to college, and I think that's awesome that everyone is happy. I haven't been my happiest the last yearish, and so everyone thinks that clearly, this must be because I'm at home. Obviously, if I transfer, I will see the light and I'll see that college is God's gift to the world. And I've kind of let myself think that too, like the answer to everything is just to run away, and wherever I run, as long as it is a college not in Fairfax County, I will instantly be gratified and will drown in happiness.
Except today, I realized how fucking untrue that is.
Fuck it, I'm not unhappy because of mason or my house, I'm unhappy because I've always been an ambitious freak and I want to be in the real world accomplishing my goals. I'm not yearning for a shitty college town. I'm not dreaming of dorm life. Just because I'm "missing out" on someone else's ideal situation does not mean that the answer is for me to drop everything in search of what everyone else says is a good idea. I'm not the poor, pathetic, broken rabbit and I absolutely refuse to let anyone speak to me like I am. I promise, I will not break just because I lived at home during college. I will not move out after college and melt. I'll be just fine.
I will not sit around and mope, I will not miss assholes who always treated me like shit, I will not let anyone else think they know better. I'm here, and I'll graduate from Mason a year early, and I'll live, and I'll be just fine.
I just kind of wish my shoulders and the area between my boobs weren't so sunburned.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
cdhlywd's journal